When knowledge meets experience
For most of my career, I’ve been a clinician who has discussed menopause, educated others, supported clients, and helped women understand that this transition isn’t the end of vitality or desire — it’s a powerful new beginning. I knew the symptoms, I knew the science, and I thought I was prepared. But nothing compares to living through it.
A sudden shift: Surgery and symptom onset
My menopause journey began with a complex medical history. I’ve lived with stage IV endometriosis for most of my adult life. In 2020, after an ectopic pregnancy, I underwent my second laparoscopic surgery, which included a unilateral salpingo-oophorectomy — removal of one ovary and one fallopian tube.
Even though one ovary remained, both had been compromised by years of inflammation and scar tissue. Within a few months, I began experiencing classic perimenopause symptoms — hot flashes, sleep disturbances, mood shifts, brain fog, and changes in libido.
Although I still had one ovary after surgery, years of stage IV endometriosis had compromised both, and the procedure seemed to tip the balance. It wasn’t full surgical menopause, but I experienced a surgically accelerated perimenopause, with a sudden and intense onset of symptoms. I was in my late 30s, just two months post-op, and the changes felt disorienting.
I was exhausted, my sleep was erratic, and I didn’t feel like myself — emotionally or sexually.
The silence around menopause
Even with a strong team — a brilliant OB-GYN, a gynecologic oncologist, and an endometriosis specialist — I found that menopause still wasn’t really being talked about. I had to bring it up first. And even then, every time I shared my symptoms — like the brain fog, the mood shifts, the insomnia — I was told things like, “You’re probably just depressed,” or “Maybe you need an antidepressant,” or “Just try to think positively.”
It was frustrating. I knew this wasn’t just a mood issue. I was experiencing real hormonal changes. And it made me think:
If I’m struggling to be taken seriously with all of my training and access, what are other women going through? It was a wake-up call.
We need to talk about this more, and we need to be believed.
Emotional and intimate changes
The emotional impact hit harder than I expected. I remember sitting in sessions with clients and losing my train of thought, and feeling overwhelmed with sadness out of nowhere. I began to question my identity, my energy, and my body.
As a sex therapist, I thought I’d be immune to the intimacy changes. I wasn’t. I had to relearn my body, discover what turned me on now, and get curious about what felt good rather than assume I knew. My body was asking for slowness, gentleness, and attention in a new way — and I had to listen.
Breaking cultural silence
Culturally, I come from a background where aging, menopause, and even pleasure were rarely talked about, certainly not openly. I had to confront the generational silence and stigma, and I see that same silence in the women I work with every day. We’ve been conditioned to “push through,” to hide our discomfort, and to avoid the topic altogether until it becomes unbearable.
Reclaiming mental and physical health
That’s why I believe that supporting your mental health during perimenopause is one of the most important things you can do for your overall well-being. I’ve always emphasized the mind-body connection in my work, but I had to put it into practice for myself during this transition. I focused on regulating my nervous system, honoring boundaries, and tuning in to what my body was truly asking for.
I also gave myself permission to experiment. I tried hormone therapy, made dietary changes to reduce inflammation, incorporated pelvic floor therapy, and explored new ways to experience pleasure and connection.
And I got serious about self-care. Self-care became non-negotiable for me. I began prioritizing practices supporting my body and mind: daily walks in nature to regulate my nervous system, strength training to help my metabolism, meditation to stay grounded, and intentional rest to honor the fatigue that often came with hormone shifts.
Most importantly, I started investing in my sleep, not just as a luxury, but as a form of healing. I adjusted my evening routine, reduced stimulation before bed, and created a calming sleep environment that signaled safety to my body. These small shifts made a big difference in how I moved through each day.
Embracing the transition
My turning point came when I stopped seeing menopause as something to “fix” and started seeing it as a chance to evolve. I wasn’t losing myself. I was meeting a new version of me that was stronger, wiser, and more embodied.
What I wish I knew
If I could go back and give myself advice, it would be this:
- Start tracking symptoms early — even if they feel minor.
- Don’t wait for a provider to bring it up — ask the questions.
- Know that what worked for someone else may not work for you.
- And most importantly: talk about it — loudly, openly, and without shame.
To anyone reading this: you are not alone, you are not crazy, and you are not broken. Your body is speaking. You’re not failing. You’re transitioning!
And with the right support, this chapter can be one of the most empowered, intimate, and connected times of your life.
Dr. Chavez is a paid advisor for the Versalie™ brand.
