Menopause can really mess with the female libido. It can feel like someone has flipped a switch, and suddenly, your sexual desire is gone. For many people, this drastic dip in sex drive, caused by changing hormone levels, can affect both the sexual connection and the emotional connection with your partner.
But it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean the spark is out for good. Libido naturally shifts over time, especially during menopause. These changes don’t mean something is wrong. They’re part of your body adjusting to a new rhythm. The goal isn’t to get back to what it was, but to explore what feels meaningful now.
Why emotional connection matters
For most of us, emotional intimacy and sex are deeply connected. When one aspect of this connection suffers, the other often follows. A 2018 analysis found that sexual desire is crucial for deepening emotional connections, and this link is even stronger for females compared to males. When there’s a decrease in sexual desire during menopause, it can make you feel lonely and disconnected. Your partner might feel rejected and start to distance themselves, which can make things even harder.
Understanding female libido and hormonal influences
Three key hormones play a significant role in desire and arousal: estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. During perimenopause, these hormone levels can fluctuate, leading to changes in sexual desire.
Clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist, Dr. Shannon Chavez, goes one step further and explains that:
Menopause isn't the only time when these hormones can cause issues. Your libido can also ebb and flow with changes in estrogen and testosterone levels around ovulation and throughout your menstrual cycle.
What happens during menopause
Several things can happen during menopause that may reduce your sex drive.
Vaginal dryness
Lower estrogen levels can cause vaginal dryness. Estrogen helps keep the vaginal lining lubricated and healthy, so when estrogen levels go down, the vaginal tissues can become thinner and drier. This can lower the desire for sex, making it uncomfortable or even painful because of a lack of natural lubrication. The good news is that vaginal dryness can be treated. Options include vaginal estrogen therapy, which requires a prescription, and over-the-counter lubricants and moisturizers.
Common menopause symptoms
Low estrogen is also responsible for many of the most common menopause symptoms, like hot flashes, mood swings, and night sweats. Hot flashes and night sweats can be annoying and uncomfortable, making it hard to feel in the mood. Any mood changes can affect your libido.
Pelvic floor changes
As vaginal tissue thins and loses elasticity, the pelvic floor muscles can become weaker and less flexible. Weakening of the pelvic floor muscles can cause incontinence, pain during sex, and trouble reaching orgasm.
Changes in how we see ourselves
Desire is closely connected to how we feel about ourselves. Midlife can bring changes in body image, self-esteem, and emotional identity, which can shape our comfort with intimacy.
How to talk about libido with your partner
You (and your partner) aren’t alone on this journey. Many couples struggle with the loss of emotional intimacy and sex in their relationship during menopause. Around 63% of males in relationships with someone going through menopause feel personally affected by a partner's symptoms.
Avoiding the conversation can lead to feelings of resentment and isolation. It might feel awkward to admit that neither of you feels sexually satisfied but try to talk openly and honestly with your partner about what you’re going through. Here are some tips to get you started:
- Reassure your partner. Let them know that your low sex drive has nothing to do with your attraction to them.
- Focus on emotional connection. Share your commitment to deepening your emotional connection, even if sex isn't possible right now.
- Be specific about symptoms. Your partner may not understand how bad night sweats feel for you or how menopause is affecting your weight and how you see your own body.
- Share resources. Teach your partner about how changes in estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone affect your sex drive.
- Explore options together. Look into different treatments and therapies that can help address low libido, such as menopause hormone therapy or couples counseling. Tell your partner you trust them to join you on this journey. Be realistic and take things slow when needed.
The role of physical and mental health in female desire
Taking care of your physical and mental health is crucial for maintaining a healthy sex drive during the menopause transition. Here are some tips to get you started:
- Exercise regularly. Regular physical activity can help boost mood, energy levels, sexual satisfaction, and desire. Talk to your doctor before starting or changing your exercise routine.
- Practice stress-reducing techniques. Try activities like yoga, meditation, or deep breathing to help manage stress and anxiety.
- Get enough sleep. It can be hard during menopause but try to sleep at least 7 hours each night.
- Eat a balanced diet. Focus on whole, healthy foods that can help support you during the menopause transition. Some great additions include leafy greens, berries, and fish, like salmon, that are rich in omega-3 fatty acids.
What you can do for low sexual desire during menopause
If you're struggling with low libido during menopause, there are many options available to you. Talk to your doctor about what might work best for you, or if you have questions or concerns.
- Menopause hormone therapy (MHT). MHT can help reduce vaginal dryness, boost sex drive, and ease other menopause symptoms like hot flashes and night sweats.
- Sex therapy. Working with a therapist or sex therapist can help you explore emotional blocks, body image concerns, or relationship dynamics that may be affecting your desire. Therapy can be a powerful space to reconnect with your body and rediscover what intimacy means to you.
- Vaginal estrogen therapy. This prescription cream can help with vaginal dryness and itching caused by menopause. Regular use may help reduce pain during sex.
- Antidepressants. Your doctor might recommend prescription antidepressants if your low sex drive is linked to physical and mood-related symptoms. Certain antidepressants (selective serotonin receptor inhibitors (SSRIs)) can also help with night sweats and hot flashes.
- Herbal supplements. Some herbal supplements, like evening primrose (Oenothera biennis) and sage herb (Salvia officinalis), have been found to help with acute (short-term) menopause symptoms.
Final thoughts on female libido during menopause
Menopause doesn't have to mean the end of your sex life. Intimacy may just look different during menopause, and that’s okay. There’s no one right way to experience pleasure. What matters is staying curious and discovering what feels good for you and your relationships during time in your life.
Take care of your body and mind, and to ask for help when you need it. Don't be afraid to talk to your partner, your healthcare provider, or a therapist about what you're going through. With the right approach, you can navigate this challenging time and come out stronger and more connected than ever.
FAQs
What hormones cause low sex drive in menopause?
Low estrogen is the primary culprit for low sex drive. Declining testosterone levels also play a role.
Why does sex hurt during menopause?
Low estrogen can cause vaginal tissues to thin out and become dry. A lack of natural lubrication can make having sex painful.
How can I increase my sex drive during menopause?
Make sure you’re finding healthy ways to manage stress, which can impact sexual desire. Consider exercising, spending time in nature, and other self-care practices.
