For Chandra, the journey of battling breast cancer is intertwined with the onset of menopause. She has shared her experiences with us (and you), offering a beacon of hope and strength to those facing similar challenges.
Through her story, we explore the profound impact of personal rebirth, as she confronted the physical and emotional upheavals of her diagnosis and treatment, with resilience and grace. Join us as we delve into her inspiring journey, hoping you find something in her story that resonates with your own.
It started with a whisper
It was my mother's 75th birthday, and although frying chicken is not really my thing, I was frying chicken wings for her birthday celebration. Throughout my life, I’ve been very intuitive. Even now, I can remember how relaxed I was. I was very much into doing what I was doing. Because my mind wasn't jumbled, I was more open to hearing what I heard. I heard what sounded like a whisper, “Check the right breast in this spot”.
There have been times when I've heard things and waited before acting, but this time I knew to respond immediately. I walked over to wash my hands because I was in the middle of battering chicken and standing in front of the microwave glancing at the clock.
I dried my hands, and placed my hand on my breast exactly where I was told to touch. Right then I felt a lump. I hadn’t noticed it that morning in the shower or the week before. The timing was significant to me. It was almost 6 o'clock and no doctor's office was open.
I called my OB-GYN the following day to set up an appointment. When I met with my doctor, she said, “It's really good that you know your breasts so well because I wouldn't have felt this”. But it wasn't me touching my breasts that clued me in.
My doctor ordered a regular mammogram. It wasn’t an emergency, just a regular appointment. During that appointment, they saw a spot but didn’t know what it was. They scheduled an ultrasound, which confirmed the diagnosis of infiltrating ductal carcinoma.
The beginning of my journey
By the time everything came together, it had been about 3 to 4 weeks since I felt the lump during my mother’s birthday celebration. I underwent a biopsy and further testing to stage the cancer. I ended up having a lumpectomy and began chemotherapy and radiation. As someone who was very in tune with my body and practiced qigong, I felt betrayed by my body. I knew I was pregnant before the test could confirm it, but I didn't know that cancer was in my body.
Seeking support and finding surprises
My family was there to support me, but neither family nor friends could fully understand the journey I was on. My group of friends would take me out to lunch every once in a while, which was great. However, there were also some friends that disappeared during this time. I had to come to terms with that.
My kids were in school when I was diagnosed. I became involved with an organization through the school called Challenge Day. The people in this group were the ones who stood up to really help me. They introduced me to a website where I could request help, like needing my kids to be picked up for school or to go to a doctor's appointment.
Not only that, but they also organized meal deliveries to my house 3 times a week. There was a cooler in front of my house and whoever delivered the meals would drop the meals off in the cooler with heating instructions and ice, then ring the doorbell to let us know. Each meal was at least enough for my family for 2 days. I took the information I learned from this group and shared it with others.
The people in this group were pretty much the only ones that helped me during that whole period, with weekly rides to doctor's appointments and back. Now, no one from that committee and I are in regular contact. If we saw each other, it'd be great, but our lives have taken different paths. The kids graduated high school, and the committee was no longer part of our lives.
They're not in my life anymore, but it's still extremely special. I look at them and think of the saying that there are people in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. They were the people that I knew the least, but during that period of time, they helped me the most.
My other source of support
The Cancer Support Community was another crucial source of support. They understood this journey and the unspoken challenges. Everyone there was either staff, a patient going through treatment, or a caregiver with the knowledge of what everyone was going through. Everybody would take classes and do things together. I spent so much time there that my children called it my second home. It wasn't just one person or one class — it was a whole community.
My first class there was with a doctor who still teaches at the Cancer Support Community. She happened to be the nutritionist in my oncology group. When I spoke to my oncologist, I scheduled a 15-minute appointment with her for nutritional coaching. She was really good.
She mentioned her class at the Cancer Support Community, which lasted an hour and a half, instead of 15 minutes. The first time I walked into the Cancer Support Community, it was to take her class. Not only did she teach but she offered samples of certain foods she would talk about. I tasted kabocha squash for the first time in her class and learned about its nutritional benefits. To this day, kabocha squash is a staple I continue to use in my cooking.
A new neighbor
During this time, a new neighbor moved in across the street who was Korean. She was new to this country and not fluent in English. At that time, I was walking up and down my street because I wouldn’t go further than my block because I was still very weak. She noticed me walking up and down the street and we met on one of my walks.
She said she'd join me on my walks if she could practice her English with me. That's how we met and eventually became friends. She made sure I didn’t get overheated or walk too far and at the same time she made progress with her English. It felt great to have someone to walk with who made me feel safe but also made me feel like I was doing something important for someone else.
Not only did she learn English, but she went on to get her citizenship and started a Korean school to teach Korean Americans about their heritage. I mean, what can you say about this woman? Amazing, right!
Challenges during cancer treatment
Maybe because of where I live and that I had good health insurance at the time, my doctor, oncologist, and radiologist were all female. They were wonderful and around my age, so very relatable to me, but they didn’t look like me.
There were things they couldn't address and things I didn’t even ask because I knew they wouldn't know the answer. For example, when I lost my hair and it started to grow back, it came back with a different texture. African American hair is different from Caucasian hair, and the products I wanted to use were different.
I consider myself a self-proclaimed fashionista. I like fashion and makeup, and all that good stuff. One thing they don't tell you is that when you lose your hair, you lose your eyebrows and eyelashes too. Not only was I balding on my head, but I noticed all the other hairs on my body disappearing.
Right now, I don't notice all the hairs on my arm, but you notice when those hairs are trying to break through and come back. It's bizarre, you don't think about the difference having eyebrows and eyelashes makes. When you don't have any, you feel like an alien.
There was an organization that would come to the Cancer Support Community and gift wigs to the women who had lost their hair. The only problem was that wigs for African Americans were not available. I attended a workshop called Look Good, Feel Good, but there were no shade colors for someone who was black or brown.
But I did my best with what was provided. Did it make me feel better? Absolutely. Even though the makeup colors provided might not have been my first choice, I still had makeup on with eyebrows that I drew on and it was wonderful.
Luckily, in that program, there was a black woman who had gone through the program that recognized the lack of wigs for black women. She started sewing hair pieces into baseball caps, so women could wear them and have hair hanging down. I felt fabulous because I had hair that looked like it belonged to me.
I also became aware of environmental factors that I could eliminate, such shampoos or products containing parabens and sulfates. I started learning which ones were right for my hair and body.
I had to learn, read, and go to workshops to educate myself. My skin was severely dry, and my fingertips and toes were cracking because of the dryness. I ended up using coconut oil, because if you can take it internally, then it must be good on the largest organ of the body, our skin. But I had to learn that on my own because there really wasn't anyone to talk to about these sorts of things.
My body shape changed, and it would have been helpful to have someone who understood and could talk to me about it. I could have learned how to respond to other people talking about my changing body. Having someone validate what was going on and where I was with it would have probably made it easier to handle those conversations and respond to others.
Mental challenges during cancer treatment
I had to start writing down routines because I was forgetting day-to-day tasks. I had to write down things like “brush your teeth”, “wash your face”, and “put on deodorant” to make sure I did them. Looking back, I was really in bad shape. They’re things I've done all my life. How does that happen?
I felt broken, weak, and depressed. I was in a catch-22 because the chemotherapy made me physically weak, dehydrated, and unable to eat. I wasn't motivated to do anything, which only made all of that worse. It was hard.
I stopped driving because I kept locking my keys in the car and thought I shouldn't be on the road. When I wasn't driving, my world got smaller and smaller.
My body was getting physically weaker and weaker, and I was emotionally depleted.
The best way to describe how I felt at the time has to do with me seeking counseling, which was a great thing. In counseling, I explained that it felt like I wasn't even walking on earth but in a different sub-earth reality. Everything was in black and white, and I felt like I was wearing cement boots because that's how tired I felt just to walk. It was a huge toll physically and emotionally, made worse by night sweats and hot flashes I having at that time.
Physical challenges during cancer treatment
My body changed a lot during that period of time. In the beginning, it was ‘Why me?’ Now on the other end of it, I look back — ‘Why not me?’ I thought I was living a healthy lifestyle, trying to stay at the 80-20 rule. But I wasn’t as balanced as I believed.
I quickly changed my eating habits. I knew what to do, but I just wasn't doing it. I lost weight due to these eating habit changes, but also because chemo and radiation kicked my butt. I now understand that the loss of fullness wasn't just weight loss, but could have related to menopause.
My approach to eating became more plant-forward. Normally I would say I'm a pescatarian, but during a recent trip to Uganda, I had to adapt because I was with a group of people where food was provided for us. I couldn’t insist on being a gluten-free vegetarian. If I had done that, I wouldn't have eaten. I tried to eat as gluten-free as possible, and it was fortunate their diet didn’t use much flour. But did I eat meat? You bet. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had protein. And I needed protein while I was there.
The physical and mental challenges were intertwined. As my body felt better, my mind became better. The more I continued to eat better foods, smoothies, and supplements, I started to regain some of my cognitive ability and through this I also gained support in ways that were unexpected. Everything I did and the foods that I ate affected both, which helped that whole system.
How I helped myself get through it all
Even though I had been part of health and fitness in the past, it had been years. Life had happened, and I had kids and other responsibilities. But during my cancer journey, I took lots of classes and became a student again.
I started reeducating myself by attending educational classes, joining support groups, and even taking a writing therapy class. I hate writing, but I was able to write in that class, and it was really, really helpful. I also joined fun activities at the Cancer Support Community like game nights and a belly dancing class with my daughter, which was so fun.
Qigong: My path to peace
I had been practicing qigong for a long time and wanted to start again during my treatment, even though there were times when I was too weak to get out of bed. I began practicing qigong lying down in bed, then sitting on the edge of my bed, and until eventually I could practice standing up. I recently returned from Uganda, where I taught Qigong at a school of 1200 students. I went from being in bed visualizing to teaching a class full of students!
I originally got into qigong because I was anxious and couldn’t sit still to meditate. I needed something to bring me peace and I couldn’t figure out what to do. Someone I was working with suggested I take a qigong class, which he had been doing for years. I decided to join him, but he couldn’t make it the morning of the class. I don't know what got into me, but I went anyway. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
What I like about qigong is that it's a moving meditation. Tai chi is the martial art form, while qigong focuses on energy, cultivation, and healing. Many of the exercises look very similar, but they have different purposes. The movements allowed me to turn my brain off, which allowed me to find that place of peace. This practice helped me expand that sense of peace and eventually quiet my mind and meditate.
Menopause and cancer treatment joined hands
I didn't realize menopause was part of my journey until after my cancer treatment ended. My body was going through so much during chemotherapy that I assumed all my symptoms were related to the treatment. My list of symptoms kept growing, and I started having hot flashes.
One day, I had a hot flash that was isolated only to my scalp, and my head felt like it was on fire. That night, my hair started falling out after a chemo treatment. I would be hot one day and cold another, and I thought it was all related to the cancer treatment.
My doctors were really good, and they talked to me about a lot of stuff. However, I don't recall conversations about menopause. They only mentioned that one of chemotherapy drugs would stop my period during treatment, and it might or might not return. That was kind of it.
In post-chemo recovery, some symptoms were still happening. I knew the chemicals were going to be in my body for a while, but the hot flashes and cognitive stuff were the worst. Do you know how many times I locked my keys in the car? I almost exceeded my AAA limit to come and open my car. I even stopped driving because of it.
When I left the house, I would count the five things I needed to take when leaving the house — keys, wallet, phone, and whatever else I needed that day. I would go to the grocery store to buy food, take the groceries, and leave my wallet. Do you know how many times I did that? Even at that time, I thought it was all due to ‘chemo brain’ until someone said chemo brain doesn't last that long. I thought, what else is it attributed to?
Coming to terms with the cancer diagnosis, getting through depression, and then realizing I was going through menopause was a challenge. I didn’t process it at the time, and it was only later I realized my period had stopped. I remember one day my daughter asked for pads or tampons, and I realized it had been such a long time since I had used them.
I asked myself, how did you not remember that? But I had to remember not to beat myself up because I had a lot going on. My focus that whole time was on combatting cancer.
It wasn't at that moment that it really hit me; it was later. Because that's a whole other set of adjustments. I'm no longer fertile. Not that I was going to have kids or could, but now it's done.
Twelve years later, it's hard to say what my menopause symptoms were. Do I have some cognitive challenges? Yes, but those could be signs of old age at this point. Did I lose fullness in my breast? Yes, but I’ve lost weight in the last year. And when I say I have a hot flash, I would say I have a cold freeze more often than a hot flash.
Looking forward
I'm proud of my resilience and strength. Even when I feel like I haven't done enough, sharing my journey helps me see how far I’ve come. I have a lot to be grateful for. My life is now divided into pre-cancer and post-cancer. Two completely different people, two completely different lifestyles. I look back at the person that was diagnosed with cancer, that went through that valley of treatment that broke my body down. And now to be built back up to where I am now, it's pretty awesome.
Being able to help others go through what I went through has been nourishing to my soul. During the pandemic, I took the nutrition class at the Cancer Support Community again. I shared with the teacher and the class how she transformed my life. Now I'm practicing what she taught me, teaching and cooking and sharing food with people.
Now I teach cooking, qigong, and strengthening classes. I saw a need for these for these classes and felt I could make a difference. It’s a full-circle moment for me, from feeling completely broken to now standing in front of people and teaching them.
What I learned
Breast cancer and menopause are supposed to be old people's diseases. At least that was my perception. But more young women, and even men, are being diagnosed with breast cancer. We need to start educating our young men about it too, as they are more likely to die from it due to lack of awareness. These diseases at one point were considered diseases of older people and not that of younger people.
Young people going through chemotherapy and radiation can also experience treatment-induced menopause.
I’m 12 years out, and I'm so glad to know there are brands like Versalie helping support and bring together doctors of different ethnicities as well as backgrounds to help support women like this. I would have loved to have had this or an organization or group of people when I was going through this.
Keeping ourselves balanced
I believe the key to healing, whether getting through menopause or cancer, is a mind, body, spirit approach. I don't think you can have one without the other. Movement and proper nutrition are essential. If support groups aren’t your thing, find a community that uplifts you. It's all about doing some sort of mind-body practice.
Practices like walking in nature, swimming, grounding, or even hugging a tree can help us manage stress, stay mindful, and restore us. Sharing my story has made me reflect on my own journey and ask myself if I’m doing enough to nourish my mind, body, and spirit.
We need to keep ourselves balanced between mind, body, and spirit. Ask yourself: What are you doing to rejuvenate and nourish your mind, body, and spirit? There are many ways to do this, and while my path may not be yours, I believe that moving your body, eating good foods, and tending to your spirit are what can keep us balanced.
This is a personal story and does not constitute medical advice.
