There’s nothing quite like lying on your couch in the middle of winter, drenched in sweat through your sweatshirt, and asking your kids if they’re feeling hot, only to get a blank stare in return.
“It’s freezing,” my son said, wrapped up like a burrito in his blanket.
I checked the thermostat. It read 67 degrees.
I peeled off my hoodie, wondering why my body was treating January like July. That’s when I started to pay closer attention.
I’m 43, and I’m approaching the age when most women experience menopause, which is usually between 45 and 55. But if you know anything about Black women and menopause, you know that “early” isn’t unusual. One long-term study even found that Black women tend to reach menopause about 8.5 months earlier than white women.
My mom hit menopause in her 30s, so for years, I just assumed I’d follow in her footsteps.
What made things more complicated for me was my IUD. I got it after my second child, partly because I liked the idea of potentially not having to deal with a monthly cycle.
After a while, my periods stopped. But when I started having hot flashes, night sweats, and that foggy-headed, “What did I walk into this room for?” feeling, I began to wonder if I was in menopause and just didn’t know it.
It’s a common experience, really. The signs are often there, but the awareness, resources, and support aren’t. And yet, menopause can have a big impact on overall health. It’s something that deserves more attention and understanding.
The menopause you don’t see coming
If your period has been on a long break thanks to an IUD or other hormonal birth control, you may miss out on the classic “12 months without a period” countdown that usually signals menopause. So, how do you even know if you’re in it? (Here’s a quick explainer that breaks it down.)
When I brought it up to my doctor, explaining that I was sleeping with an oscillating fan in the middle of January, she said, “Well, you won’t really know unless you take the IUD out and see if your period comes back.”
It felt a bit surreal to think that I might be sliding into menopause without even realizing it. But I was also tired of feeling like I was in the dark. So, I decided to have the IUD removed.
A little over a month later, Aunt Flo made a grand return as if she’d never left. So, no, menopause hadn’t arrived yet.
But perimenopause? That made a lot more sense.
If you no longer get a regular period and suspect you're in perimenopause:
- Start logging symptoms. Use a notes app or journal to track things like hot flashes, trouble sleeping, brain fog, or mood shifts. Compare your symptoms against a checklist to see if they match up.
- Track your period. If you’re still getting a period, keep an eye on any changes. Irregularity might be the first clue. Note any differences in timing, flow, or symptoms.
- Talk to your doctor. Discuss any changes you’re noticing. Ask whether hormone testing makes sense for you, especially if you’re considering reevaluating your birth control method based on your age, symptoms, and goals. Hormone level tests aren’t usually recommended unless there’s a medical reason, but your doctor might order one if your periods stop early (before age 40). Ask whether testing could play a role in confirming where you are in the transition.
For more on symptom patterns, read What Are the 3 Stages of Menopause?
Finding the care I deserve
I’ve had moments where I didn’t feel truly heard in medical settings — times when I brought up concerns and left feeling like I’d been gently waved off or completely misunderstood. And for Black women, that’s not uncommon.
We’ve seen the studies, and we’ve lived the reality. Research shows that Black women in the United States tend to:
- Enter menopause 8.5 months earlier than white women.
- Experience more frequent, bothersome, and persistent vasomotor symptoms (hot flashes and night sweats).
- Endure symptoms for a median of 10 years, compared to 6.5 years for white women.
But what makes it worse? We’re also less likely to be offered relief. Healthcare providers are less likely to prescribe hormone therapy to Black women, despite us having more severe symptoms.
So now, I’m doing what a lot of us end up doing — looking for a provider who looks like me. Someone who understands the medical side of menopause and how it feels to have the person you reach out to for help dismiss or disbelieve you.
I need a provider who:
- Asks thoughtful questions instead of jumping to conclusions.
- Listens without interrupting and takes my concerns seriously.
- Offers care that fits my day-to-day life.
- Makes an effort to learn what they don’t know.
Because at the end of the day, I’m looking for care that sees all of me — not just my symptoms.
A 2022 study in the Journal of General Internal Medicine found that patients who had a provider of the same race or ethnicity reported feeling more respected and slightly more satisfied with their care. While the effect was modest, the preference was loud and clear — Black, Latino, and Asian patients were 3 or more times as likely to have a provider who shares their racial or ethnic background.
So, yes, wanting someone who gets where you’re coming from? That’s valid and backed by evidence.
I haven’t found a new provider yet, but I’m asking around, reading reviews, and checking bios to find someone I can trust to take me seriously from the start. Until then, I’m listening to my body, doing my own research, and leaning on community.
I’m also holding space for the kind of care that sees me and says, “You’re not making this up. Let’s figure it out together.”
4 tips for finding culturally responsive menopause care
Culturally responsive care isn’t just about credentials. It’s about connection. It means working with a provider who understands how your background — including your race, gender, culture, and life experience — shapes the way you experience menopause. Not just biologically, but emotionally, socially, and even spiritually.
For example, a culturally responsive provider won’t just ask, “What symptoms are you having?” Instead, they might ask questions like:
- “Has menopause ever come up in conversations with your family or friends?”
- “How are you feeling about this stage of life, physically and emotionally?”
- “Are there any traditions, beliefs, or practices that you want your care to reflect?”
- “Is there anything you’ve been doing on your own — remedies, routines, foods — that helps you feel better (or worse)?”
- “When it comes to your health, what’s gotten in the way of feeling like your best self?”
It’s care that sees the full picture, not just the symptoms.
Here’s how to find a provider who may get it:
- Use The Menopause Society practitioner directory. Search for certified menopause specialists who might be a better fit for you. If you prefer telehealth, check out our Menopause Care Directory. Both are great places to start finding someone with the right expertise.
- Ask for personal recommendations. Reach out to friends, community groups, or social networks (like Black mom groups or online communities) for recommendations. Sometimes, the best advice comes from people who have been through similar experiences.
- Look for inclusive bios. When checking out potential providers, look for bios that mention inclusive, trauma-informed, or equity-based care. These keywords can indicate that the provider is committed to understanding and respecting diverse backgrounds.
- Schedule a “get to know you” visit. Don’t be afraid to schedule a preliminary visit to see if you and the provider are a good match. This can help you gauge whether they listen to you, take your concerns seriously, and make you feel comfortable and understood.
Finding the right provider is sometimes a journey, but it’s worth it to get the care that truly sees and supports you.
Menopause in Black women: The treatment gap no one warned me about
Structural racism doesn’t disappear at the exam table. It shows up in the systems around us — through policies, research priorities, and care practices that make it harder for some of us to be seen, heard, or treated fairly.
It shows up when a doctor tells us our symptoms are normal (when they’re not), when we aren’t offered the same treatments as others, and when research doesn’t reflect our experiences.
According to a 2024 article in Cell Reports Medicine, social factors like where we live, our income, education, employment, and provider bias all play a role in how we experience menopause and the care we receive. But if those factors shape care, we have to ask: Whose experiences are shaping the research?
Black women are still underrepresented in menopause research. Most studies have focused on cisgender white women in high-income countries, leaving our symptoms, concerns, and stories in the margins.
And when the data skips over us, the care often does too.
Fixing the gap isn’t just about better studies. It’s about systematic change.
That means:
- Training providers to recognize and respond to diverse experiences.
- Funding studies that reflect the lived realities of Black women and other marginalized groups.
- Rewriting healthcare policies to address the barriers, not just acknowledge them.
And while we wait for those systemic shifts, here’s what we can do in the meantime.
Ways to advocate for yourself in the doctor’s office
The system has work to do, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless.
These small steps can help you feel more prepared, confident, and in control of your care:
- Write down your questions and symptoms before your visit. It’s easy to forget things when you’re in the moment, so having a list can help you stay on track.
- Bring someone with you if you feel nervous or overlooked. Having a friend or family member can make a big difference in how you’re treated and how much you remember.
- Ask about all options. Lifestyle changes, hormone therapy, non-hormonal treatments, supplements — don’t be afraid to ask about everything.
- If you're dismissed, say: “I’d like this noted in my chart.” (That alone can shift how you're treated.)
- And if you're still not taken seriously? It’s okay to leave and find someone else.
What I know now
So, here I am. Still having the occasional hot flash, still not entirely sure what the next year will look like.
But I know a few things for sure:
- Menopause can show up quietly, even when you think you’re not due for it yet.
- Not feeling heard doesn’t mean your symptoms aren’t real.
- The more we talk about menopause, the less confusing and isolating this whole process has to be.
Here’s how you can start the conversation and keep it going:
- Keep a journal of how you’re feeling. It helps to track your symptoms and emotions.
- Find one friend to talk to about it. Sharing can make a big difference.
- Don’t wait until you feel “bad enough” to ask for help. Your health is important, and you deserve support.
- Give yourself permission to rest, ask questions, and insist on clarity. You’re in charge of your care.
Menopause in Black women is rarely obvious and never simple — and many of us are left piecing it together on our own.
It often starts with a sweaty night, a foggy morning, or a moment on the couch where you ask, “Is it just me?”
No, it’s not just you. It’s us. And we’re figuring it out.
FAQs
How do I know if I’m in menopause if I have an IUD?
If you have a hormonal IUD that stops your period, the usual “12 months without bleeding” rule doesn’t always work. This can make it tricky to figure out if you’re in perimenopause or menopause. The best way to get some clarity is to keep track of other symptoms like hot flashes, brain fog, and changes in your sleep. Chat with your provider about what you're experiencing. They might suggest removing the IUD to see if your period comes back. While it’s not always black and white, how you feel can be just as important as what your cycle is doing.
Do Black women experience menopause differently?
Yes, they do. Black women often start menopause earlier than white women, and the symptoms can last longer and be more intense. Unfortunately, providers are less likely to offer the same treatment options. That’s why it’s so important to speak up and advocate for yourself.
How do I find a provider who listens to me?
Start by using directories like our Menopause Care Directory or The Menopause Society’s find a practitioner tool. Read review carefully and trust your instincts. In your first visit, ask direct questions like, “What’s your experience working with Black patients in menopause?” If you don’t feel heard or understood, it’s totally okay to keep looking. Finding the right provider is crucial for getting the care you need and deserve
