How Beliefs and Values Shape Menopause and Sexuality

Menopause can change our relationship with sex. For many, it's a time to recognize that our needs are evolving. For others, it's a time for challenging old beliefs about sex and self-worth. How we think about sex can make a big difference in how we experience it during this transition.  

The facts 

There’s a clear relationship between menopause and sex drive. Libido is more than a drive — it reflects our emotional, physical, and relational well-being, all of which may shift during menopause. Research shows that sex drive can start to change about 20 months before the last period. This dip in sexual function continues for about 5 years after menopause.   

At a time when many of us crave connection more than ever, our interest in sex can fade. Society also has a lot to say about what your sex life should look like once menstrual periods stop. And these expectations can also get in your head. Loneliness, isolation, resentment, and anger can all creep in along with menopause symptoms. But here’s the good news: your attitude toward menopause can make a big difference in your sexual experiences.  

Values and beliefs shape menopause 

Studies have found cultural values and health beliefs play a role in how we perceive sexuality during menopause. Researchers looked at the experiences of more than 1000 females over age 50, and the majority of them felt that maintaining a satisfying sex life was very important for well-being and the health of their relationships.  

However, a reduced sex drive made the study participants feel older, less confident, and less feminine. Changes in libido during menopause are common and only require support if they’re distressing or impacting your well-being. 

Interestingly, hormonal changes were not the dominant factor explaining sexual issues during menopause. How we perceive our sexuality during menopause played a much bigger role than originally thought. 

What can you do?  

The first step is to shift your perception of sexuality during perimenopause and beyond. What beliefs do you hold? Consider whether they’re true. For one thing, you might think your sex life is over at menopause. But sex doesn’t end just because you’re entering this period of your life. 

Here are some other ways to embrace sexuality in menopause.  

#1 Talk to your partner 

Keeping quiet about your experiences is one of the worst things you can do. It can reinforce the idea that sexual desire and sexual worth should fade with age. Communication is key to a healthy sex life during menopause. For most, that means talking with your partner about the changes they may or may not be noticing. Here's some tips for having the conversation: 

• Don't expect them to read both your mind! Let your partner know that menopause is causing you to pull away. Explain how vaginal dryness, hot flashes, and body image issues are affecting your desire for sex. 
• Be problem-solving partners. From their perspective, you pushing them away might seem like you’re not into them anymore. Let them know that it’s the physical symptoms, like a loss of natural lubrication, making having sex uncomfortable. Talk about using vaginal lubricants or vaginal moisturizers and try new positions that might be more comfortable.  
• Get candid. Share everything you’re going through. Put it all on the table! If vaginal dryness is why you’re hesitant to initiate or reciprocate sexual advances, explore products that can help, like over-the-counter lubricants. 

You might also consider discussing what intimacy looks like for both of you now. Defining what connection, affection, and pleasure mean at this stage can help set shared, realistic expectations and reduce pressure around performance or frequency. 

What if you have a new partner? 

Love isn't always "old and familiar" during menopause. Falling in love during menopause is totally possible, and honesty and communication are still key. This guide on dating during menopause provides tips to help make the experience positive. 

#2 Talk to your healthcare provider 

Whether you're single or in a relationship, your healthcare provider can be helpful. Let them know you’re experiencing decreased sexual interest and activity. They might suggest treatments like menopause hormone therapy (MHT) to help restore your sexual drive and function. Prescription vaginal estrogen creams, insertable estrogen tablets, or non-hormonal medications can all make a difference. 

If your concerns are dismissed or minimized, don’t hesitate to seek a second opinion or connect with a provider who specializes in menopause or sexual health. 

#3 Consider a sex therapist or counselor 

If you’re feeling sad or anxious about your sex life, it might be helpful to talk to a sex therapist or counselor. They can help you understand how your internal beliefs about sexuality and menopause are affecting your sex life and use techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to challenge those beliefs.  

Sexual health and enjoyment in menopause 

Your goal during menopause isn't necessarily to boost your libido. It's okay if you simply need less sex at this stage of life, as long as it doesn’t negatively impact your mental health or relationship. The key is to focus on what makes you feel fulfilled.   

Prioritizing your sexual health and identity  

How do you reconcile menopause and sex drive with what you want from this stage of life? Start by understanding that what's good for your overall health is also good for your sexual health. Here are some self-care tips that make life better both in and out of the bedroom: 

• Quit smoking. Did you know that smoking can lead to early menopause and intensify symptoms like hot flashes? Research also links nicotine dependence with increased sexual dysfunction. 
• Stay active. Exercise can boost sexual desire by releasing endorphins. Those "feel good" brain chemicals have a positive effect on sexual function. 
• Tweak your diet. Certain foods can boost vitality and libido. Research shows that watermelon and other "juicy" fruits are linked with enhanced sexual health.  
• Explore self pleasure. Regular self-touch can help you stay attuned to your body’s needs, increase sexual confidence, and improve body image by creating a sense of connection and acceptance. 

The bottom line 

Your thoughts matter a lot when it comes to sexual health after menopause. But there are concrete steps you can take to improve your sex life during menopause.